On Sunday morning, August 27^th, I needed to make my way from Split, a coastal town in Croatia with Roman heritage, to Bol, Brac, an island in the Adriatic Sea. I checked out of my Airbnb in Split, dropped my bags off at storage, and headed to church. I wandered around for 15 minutes before I recognized the typeface of the church on a sign (I didn’t recognize any of the words) and went to sacrament meeting, slipping into the back. I was so hot and sweaty, I sat fanning myself, legs uncrossed, and arms propped up on the chairs next to me the whole time. Not my most ladylike moment but to be fair I thought I was going to pass out. I had been keep to go to church, not only because I believe that it is the only church that has the authority of God on the earth today, but because the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints always has air conditioning in their chapels. After Sacrament Meeting, I went to a Catholic church nearby and read my scriptures and prayed. I had made it a habit on this trip to pray in every open church I wandered into. After sitting in the shade for a while, I made my way over to the meeting point for the “Walking Tour of Split” I had booked the day before. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea—I needed to kill some time before my ferry, and I hadn’t left the Airbnb the day before because I was so tired of getting hot and sweaty walking around and apparently the thought that it would still be hot the next day didn’t cross my mind? The tour was from 11:30 to 1:30 so, you know, the peak heat of the day. My only sunburn of this trip happened because of that tour, and I thought I was going to pass out from the heat for about 70% of it and genuinely considered leaving early to find somewhere to cool off. I stuck it out there and, to my frustration, learned a lot about Split. Split had been a Roman emperor’s retirement palace and when it was conquered by the Slavs at the end of the Roman empire, they just moved in and stayed there—and people still live there. This explained why everything seemed like it was built out of the same stone and why all the little alleyways sometimes lead to things like Egyptian sphinxes and columns. After the tour I made my way to by bags in the head, walked to a place to get lunch and ordered the coldest water they had which was, of course, not that cold and had no ice—I love Europe! I then wandered around the port for a while, trying to figure out which dock my ferry was going to be at, only to finally ask someone and have to speedwalk with all my baggage to make it before the ferry left. The ferry was nice and a had a little bit of air conditioning but not enough to keep me from a steady stream of sweat down my face and back for the duration of the hour-long ride. I got to Bol, got off the ferry, hiked up to my Airbnb, turned on the AC, took off all my clothes and got in the bath, turning the water as cold as it would go. I couldn’t figure out how to put it through to the shower head so I ended up sitting naked in the bathtub with the main water running, using my hands to try and splash myself cool for about 30 minutes. Once I finally cooled myself down, I went grocery shopping and then, again, didn’t leave the Airbnb the whole next day because of the heat. The day after, however, it rained.  

Some Things You Can Do While It’s Raining Outside so You Can’t Walk Around or Go to the Beach

• Get lost on YouTube and watch an hour and a half worth of “Stefon” complications from SNL
• Say “yesyesyesyesyes” for the whole rest of the trip as an inside joke with yourself.
• Binge a Netflix show for a whole day, feel guilty, do nothing.
• Question whether or not you are gay, take a bunch of online quizzes.
• Reconcile yourself to the fact that all the quizzes say you are straight.
• Sit down at your computer and write for a while.
• Delete the whole document except for one sentence.
• Dance around and listen to “Thinking about you” about 12 times.
• Go back to that sentence and write some more.
• Listen to a podcast, get bored.
• Overestimate your place in people’s lives.
• Underestimate your place in people’s lives.
• Take the blue cheese you accidentally bought and pair it with fig jam on some bread and revel in how delicious it is.
• Listen to the rain and the thunder for a bit.
• Imagine what your life is going to look like in the future, get excited.
• Imagine what my life is going to look like in the future, get so scared.
• Feel insanely guilty for a while.
• Over analyze every decision you have ever made.
• Lay down for a while “to sleep” but get bored and get on the internet instead.
• Rearrange the apps on your phone.

In the Evening, once it Stops Raining, You Might…

• Walk around when the sun goes down, get an overpriced gelato.
• People watch on a bench for a while.
• Go to an overpriced restaurant for dinner.
• Play “Who is the Most Beautiful Person at this Restaurant.” This can be anyone, most of the time they are little kids or their moms. They are so perfect! I especially like the kids who scream a lot or are loud, they make me laugh which is, of course, the most beautiful thing of all. The moms are so pretty, even when they are frazzled.
• Try to seem cool while eating alone.
• On the walk back, notice the group of 10 Spanish couples all dressed in matching avocado polos.
• Think about how silly people are and how lovely.
• Decide you are the ugliest person in the world.
• Reconcile yourself to your hideousness.
• Decide you are actually gorgeous.
• Re-reconcile yourself to your insane beauty.
• Go back to the Airbnb and watch a movie with weird vibes (I watched Persona (1966) and Girl, Interrupted (1999), both excellent Women Going Insane Movies)

Eventually it stopped raining and on the last day I was there, I went to the beach and it was beautiful. I think I have had my fill of chill beach days for the next long while.